During the past months, I’ve re-discovered some of the old songs I’ve recorded over the years. It’s an exciting process as while listening to them, I found myself analysing what I could have done better. At the same time, I’ve asked myself whether they still reflect who I am now. Probably not. So what are they to me now?

For a long time, I’ve felt that my songwriting has reached a new turning point. I want to write and produce more spiritual music, both instrumental and vocal-related. And a part of me doesn’t want to publish my old songs, as I feel they carry deep reflection and lots of pain. I wrote them as part of my healing process and tended to create melancholic melodies. And even though not all of them reflected my pain as such, they can still make me feel sad when listening to them. And I don’t think that they match who I am anymore.

But then, I’ve also asked myself: is it the real reason for my reluctance, or could it be something else? Could it be that I don’t want to reveal much of my vulnerability? And isn’t sadness also part of life? So listening to sad music can also be very healing as it could help us transform difficult emotions if we know how to let go and not get stuck in it. And if I don’t want to show my vulnerability, what would my music be if I didn’t/don’t write songs from a vulnerable, soft, and authentic Self?

I realise there is no clear distinction between the past, present, and future. So whatever I’ve experienced in the past has shaped my music the way it was, and it still influences how I create music now. And I don’t know how my music will evolve in the future, but certainly, it derives from all my learning experiences through the decades.

So, I will publish some of my old recordings on this site. Even though I might not go back to the “same old style”, it will give you a peek into who I was musically and who knows, it might give you a better idea of who I will become as an artist in the future.

Much love,

Elanor Zenna